Just say no.
Yes.
Yes is juicy. Full of Potential. Expansive. It’s that tingle at the base of your spine and the zing in your gut when you’re hooked into something new. Yes is big. Bold. Confident. It is crazy abundant and it wants to invite everyone to the party. Yes is wide open and bursting with life.
Yes is what we say when we get the job, get the girl, when we blow the roof off the house during that earth shattering orgasm.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God YES.
No.
No is small. It’s dragged down by insecurity and limitations. No is exclusionary and rooted in scarcity. It’s breakups and closed doors and shutdowns. No is faded and dreary and undesirable. It’s empty, icky, cold.
No is reserved for when we are rejected, or dejected or saying a sceptical ‘not in your lifetime” to opportunity. No is risk averse, stuck in safety mode. It’s crossed arms and protective posture and mad stomping feet. It screams negation, denial, refusal. We use no for anger and loss and those big ole’ walls we use to keep out the imaginary tigers.
Hell No. Hells No. I said NO.
Oh really?
What if it’s not that simple?
Stop for a moment, right now. Think of an area or a person or an opportunity in your life where you have been saying yes. This potential something is full of possibility, could be magic, should make everything bigger and brighter and better.
So why are you dragging your feet? Why are you collapsing in exhaustion or jealousy or paranoia? Why are you not leaping headfirst? Or if you’ve already leapt, why did it feel more like a belly flop than a graceful swan dive.
You said yes. Yes, but with misgivings. Yes, but this looks nothing like the picture on the brochure. Yes, but with a soft “I’m not quite sure” whispering in your ear. Yes, but with a heaping dose of fear and anxiety and that twisting in your gut that usually accompanies a sense of somethings-not-quite-right-ness.
Does that particular yes feel juicy? Abundant? Sparkling with life and gratitude? Does it feel like you’re really going to blow the roof off with the sheer expansiveness of your soaring soul? Or maybe, do you feel a little like Meg Ryan-as-Sally did in that infamous restaurant scene – like you’re faking it because you can, or to prove a point, or because it’s easier than the alternative?
Let’s get this clear right now. You do not have to say yes to grow. You do not have to say yes to be brave. You do not have to say yes to everything in order to move mountains or be wild, or succulent or true.
No can be a profoundly powerful word.
Sometimes no is the word that precedes the deepest possible honoring. Sometimes saying no to potential means wholeheartedly and joyously claiming what already is. Sometimes no is the simplest way to expand into your own life, fully and completely.
Your real life. Your right now life. The life right in front of you and all around you. The sacred and hallowed space you have already created and committed to.
No can be tender, and inward focused and healing in all the right ways. It can turn your attention to where it is most needed and bring together all the scattered parts of yourself. No also has the power to be big, and bold and full of roaring goddess power. No does not require that we relinquish our spirit and slink off, tails between our legs.
Not even close. No, offered with reverence and respect for the divinity of what is, can be the most brilliant, blinding force of all.
The yearning for the potential and the ceaseless drive to be more-more-more can pull us away from what is already here. We want that growth, that magic; we want to explode into life, addicted to the adrenaline of being wide awake and fierce with reality. And there’s a time for all of that.
But sometimes we get caught up in the quest and forget the purpose. Sometimes we fail to listen to our bodies and souls as they beg us to sit and reflect instead of pushing forward. Sometimes a quiet and definitive no – one that comes from the purest place inside us – can be the first step back to the vastness of our own experience. A firmly whispered no, beginning in your heart and moving through your body until it finally bursts forth, can be an inspiring and awesome declaration of truth.
Listen closely now: No is not always negation. No can be pure sparkling affirmation. Sexy, empowering, mind blowing, glittering verification of your own personal power. A solid confirmation of the wisdom of your wild and perfect heart.
No, not there. No, not now. No, not like this. No, not you. This does not feel good. I do not need to push myself this hard. This is not the right time. This is not what I expected. I do not always have to hurt in order to learn and grow. I am already big enough, brave enough, and bold enough. I have passed this test already, and I have earned this rest. I am enough, just as I am. I have more potential than I can comprehend, right here and now. Look around me, I am blessed beyond measure. I am exactly where I need to be. I need to be exactly where I am. I am a blessing manifest.
Just one no can stop the roller coaster and drop you off so that you’re facing right where you need to be facing. Bringing your life, your gifts, your love into divine alignment and giving you exactly the space you require to exhale and expand and become.
And that, my friends can be as spine tingly, expansive, and full of potential as anything Meg Ryan could ever have cooked up by screaming yes in any classic rom-com. And I’m pretty sure that once the other diners get a glimpse of your spectacular post-no glow – they’ll be requesting a heaping plate of exactly what you’re having.
{All that, and no walk of shame necessary. Bonus.}
Go on. Say no. Feel the alignment. Breath Deep. Expand. Now that’s something I can say yes to.
