There is no right thing, you know. And no wrong thing, either. There is just the thing that you do.
And so you do it. You close your eyes and leap and you try to do it the best you can. And given how fucked up and crazy and brilliant and lovely and impossible it all is; the best you can is no small thing.
It’s human nature, of course. We agonize. We worry. Our gut clenches hot and tight imagining the potential implications of our choice. But right and wrong are nothing more than external value judgments grasping for a foothold in an intensely personal life.
You don’t have to give them one.
And that thing that you do? That thing that is neither right nor wrong? You are already doing it. In grand leaps and bold gestures. In the quiet stillness of your heart. You are doing it, even if you don’t fully know it yet.
You have gone down to the depths and you kept your heart open and you listened to whispers traveling on hot winds and you didn’t stop moving; at least not for long. And the spaces you inhabit are far too vast to settle themselves with a limiting little box labeled right or wrong.
All of this matters far more than the minute details of the thing itself. The complexities of the decision, the tricky twists and turns of the path, the agony and ecstasy that live intertwined in the craziest spaces? These are important – of course they are – but not as important as the doing. Just that you did it, and you continue to do it. This is what will deliver you from here to there.
This is the space where lives change and journeys are launched and you laugh and cry and wail at the moon.
This is the space where remarkable and courageous live.
This is what will move you from beginning to ending to beginning again.
The audacity is in the living, not in the choosing. You are fearless enough to keep breathing; in the face of loss and pain and humility and gratitude and gifts and brilliance and confusion. This is the amazing thing. Right or wrong can never be anything but small things in the face of your gigantic, intrepid spirit.
Every choice we make is holds inherent both reward and regret. How those balance out we never know, at least not until long after the fact.
Give yourself the freedom of knowing this. Freedom from the relentless pressure to do right. Freedom from the anxiety fraught position of thinking that any one choice can make it all better forever or all wrong until the end of time. It can’t. Know this. Know it deep in your bones. You cannot know right or wrong – because there is no right or wrong, not really.
And eventually you’ll come out of it. With all the things you thought you did right and every last thing you worried you’ve done wrong. They’ll just be done and they’ll have worked their alchemy on your soul and you’ll be in a different place.
Trust me. I know.